Thursday, May 14, 2009

unnecessary hurtfulness...

There's this very interesting blog I found because of a post in another blog of a friend of mine. This interesting blog has got a lot of historical stuff in it, plus commentary about politics and life and circumstances in the USA vs. other places. The blog owner is authoring a book and works for a rather prestigious magazine, and most of the people who read this interesting blog seem to be very highly educated and/or are writers themselves so are good with words and sharp of tongue. The blog posts are very understandable and I have felt inspired sometimes to make straightfoward comments based on my own life experiences, as I have done fearlessly in other blogs, only to notice later that all of the other subsequent commenters were saying things that were not so understandable - i.e., it was not always obvious to me how they got from the understandable blog post to their witty comments - and I felt embarrassed to see the stark contrast between the simplicity of my comments and the complexity of those of the others. Recently, I had the impression that one of the clever commenters had noticed me and, in an indirect way, implied that more time should be spent thinking before commenting, if one even should choose in the end to comment at all. Thankfully, at my request the blog owner, reluctantly because he thinks all comments are worthy, deleted my comments, thus saving me from indefinite public humiliation.

I have come a long way in my life towards learning to be strong and positive, but this meanness instantly reduced me to tears and I felt surprised that I can so easily crumble simply because of mean words of a person who doesn't even know me. I guess I still have some growing to do in that area. I feel better now that all evidence of my comments has been obliterated and I have also decided to be more careful about posting anything into the interesting blog in the future. I have found in my life that it's usually best to just avoid situations that potentially create emotional discomfort, like finding an excuse not to get into the same elevator as someone who I know doesn't like me so well. I really prefer to avoid all unnecessary hurtfulness in my life.


Tango daddy said...

Then you my friend need to know that thanks to you my wiener Schnitzel was fabulous. My butcher and next door neighbour is still shaking his head wondering how I have a girl friend in Austria
I am now going to go back and read your update on this subject..
Oh and one other thing when someone says something hurtful mentaly give them the finger and repeat HURRAY FOR ME AND SCREW YOU!!

marain said...

I'm thrilled that your Wiener Schnitzel turned out okay, Tango Daddy! Hooray!!!

Christopher said...

There is that stupid saying: "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me".

But the truth is, hurtful words can be devastating for those against whom the words are directed. So you were just human to be hurt by the words of the commenter, who one can safely assume is a male, and an intellectual snob, who writes in the complex the way he does, because he knows not of what he talks (or writes).

It is, after all, the stock-in-trade of the intellectual to make the simple sound complicated, as is shown in most academic writings (particularly lit crit).

The commenter doubtless reacted the way he did to what you wrote, because what you wrote showed him up in some way.

So I hope you'll always post comments on any blog you fancy, even at the risk of hurt.

marain said...

Thank you so much for your words of comfort and encouragement, Christopher (I feel like I've gotten a virtual hug!). I will try to be brave again.

All the best to you!

Merisi said...

I am sorry you had this unfortunate encounter! I can understand how the situation has hurt you, but I hope you know that people like that commenter must be deeply troubled otherwise they would direct their energy toward more positive endeavours!

marain said...

Thank you for your kind words, Merisi!